because while some truths lend themselves to equations, others are best described in verse

displaced

I woke up this morning
to the sound of seabirds
crying rustily above the clank and
heave of the Norfolk &
Southern’s
ebbing
dreams
a hundred miles
from the
ocean.

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19 responses

  1. nice! we’ve all experienced that feeling of belonging in some other time, some other place. always glad I stop by here πŸ™‚

    Monty / bummy

    April 12, 2011 at 5:55 pm

  2. nice…rustily plays well with the old railroad…i grew up by one and miss its sounds and often wished it would take me elsewhere…

    April 12, 2011 at 6:48 pm

  3. One means of conveyance within another, and the mood and thought are wonderful. If we know the sensations, it’s keener, and it seems we do know these.

    April 12, 2011 at 7:22 pm

  4. From an economy of words, a vivid sketch appears. Nicely done.

    April 12, 2011 at 7:34 pm

  5. “I woke up this morning
    to the sound of seabirds
    crying rustily”

    i LOVE that you created a new word for a familiar sound. they DO cry rustily, don’t they?

    April 12, 2011 at 7:48 pm

  6. belladonna23

    love the wordplay. great peice

    April 12, 2011 at 7:49 pm

  7. Paul Simonized poem about the train in the distance. Ahh yes, brings out the maloncholy in me….Nice tight write.

    April 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm

  8. hmmm the call from the wild/nature. I liked the use of “rusty” as if they too were waiting to sing but didn’t, until that moment πŸ™‚

    http://onestoppoetry.com/2011/04/one-shot-wednesday-week-41.html#comment-9141

    April 12, 2011 at 9:15 pm

  9. I love this meeting of “foreign” worlds near a bridge, a connector! Beautiful!

    April 13, 2011 at 5:06 am

  10. Short, sweet, and alive…

    April 13, 2011 at 8:56 am

  11. Spare and tightly constructed, but visual and evocative despite the brevity. That’s no mean feat.

    April 13, 2011 at 9:36 am

  12. oy! I am behind on the comments already! Thanks, guys, for all your kind feedback– it is always great to know one is not writing into the void…

    Leslie, Life, Brian– I agree that “rustily” kinda makes the poem. I was actually surprised when my spellcheck told me it wasn’t a “real” word– it should be!

    missjane, wkkortas, wolfsrosebud (another great name, btw;))– this poem was originally twice the length it is here. I lopped off the second half like an outdated ponytail. I think it works better this way– pithy and chic. πŸ™‚

    Monty, I’m always glad to have you stop by, too! πŸ™‚

    belladonna– always nice to hear from you. Glad you enjoyed.

    jerry– a “Paul Simonized poem…” I like that. πŸ™‚ Well put.

    Porky (cute cute avatar, by the way), I hadn’t thought of that. But you’re right: the familiar does strike closer to heart, doesn’t it?

    Gemma, Thanks! I hadn’t really thought of the bridge that way, literally. But you’re so right– thanks for the feedback!

    You all rock! Thanks again for stopping by, and come back anytime! πŸ™‚
    Cheers,
    –jsl

    April 13, 2011 at 11:27 am

  13. yup, we all need to belong somewhere…I liked rustily too…says a lot more than one definition..thanks for writing!

    April 13, 2011 at 11:32 am

    • Cindy, it was my pleasure! πŸ™‚ So glad you stopped by. Thanks for your kind words.

      –jsl

      April 14, 2011 at 10:04 am

  14. Great sound and images to this poem; urban/country seabirds need a new section in ornithology!

    April 13, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    • Gordon– a new section indeed! Thanks for dropping in. I’ve got a new piece up on the poesΓ­a page, too, if you’re interested. Slainte,

      –jsl

      April 14, 2011 at 10:07 am

  15. I love every single word here. It feels perfect. the flow took me away and then I was right there by the track. This is a wonderful write.

    April 15, 2011 at 12:39 am

    • Wow, thanks, Carl. “perfect” just blows me away– this was one of my NaPoMo poem-a-day writes, and I am still not 100% sure of how I feel about it… but it is very reassuring to know you found some resonance with it.

      Cheers,
      –jsl

      April 18, 2011 at 2:35 pm

  16. Excellent.
    Quite a short one for you but it maintains the potency of all of your other poems

    April 22, 2011 at 4:30 am

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