I woke up this morning
to the sound of seabirds
crying rustily above the clank and
heave of the Norfolk &
Southern’s
ebbing
dreams
a hundred miles
from the
ocean.
-
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the tenth muse 
nice! we’ve all experienced that feeling of belonging in some other time, some other place. always glad I stop by here 🙂
Monty / bummy
nice…rustily plays well with the old railroad…i grew up by one and miss its sounds and often wished it would take me elsewhere…
One means of conveyance within another, and the mood and thought are wonderful. If we know the sensations, it’s keener, and it seems we do know these.
From an economy of words, a vivid sketch appears. Nicely done.
“I woke up this morning
to the sound of seabirds
crying rustily”
i LOVE that you created a new word for a familiar sound. they DO cry rustily, don’t they?
love the wordplay. great peice
Paul Simonized poem about the train in the distance. Ahh yes, brings out the maloncholy in me….Nice tight write.
hmmm the call from the wild/nature. I liked the use of “rusty” as if they too were waiting to sing but didn’t, until that moment 🙂
http://onestoppoetry.com/2011/04/one-shot-wednesday-week-41.html#comment-9141
I love this meeting of “foreign” worlds near a bridge, a connector! Beautiful!
Short, sweet, and alive…
Spare and tightly constructed, but visual and evocative despite the brevity. That’s no mean feat.
oy! I am behind on the comments already! Thanks, guys, for all your kind feedback– it is always great to know one is not writing into the void…
Leslie, Life, Brian– I agree that “rustily” kinda makes the poem. I was actually surprised when my spellcheck told me it wasn’t a “real” word– it should be!
missjane, wkkortas, wolfsrosebud (another great name, btw;))– this poem was originally twice the length it is here. I lopped off the second half like an outdated ponytail. I think it works better this way– pithy and chic. 🙂
Monty, I’m always glad to have you stop by, too! 🙂
belladonna– always nice to hear from you. Glad you enjoyed.
jerry– a “Paul Simonized poem…” I like that. 🙂 Well put.
Porky (cute cute avatar, by the way), I hadn’t thought of that. But you’re right: the familiar does strike closer to heart, doesn’t it?
Gemma, Thanks! I hadn’t really thought of the bridge that way, literally. But you’re so right– thanks for the feedback!
You all rock! Thanks again for stopping by, and come back anytime! 🙂
Cheers,
–jsl
yup, we all need to belong somewhere…I liked rustily too…says a lot more than one definition..thanks for writing!
Cindy, it was my pleasure! 🙂 So glad you stopped by. Thanks for your kind words.
–jsl
Great sound and images to this poem; urban/country seabirds need a new section in ornithology!
Gordon– a new section indeed! Thanks for dropping in. I’ve got a new piece up on the poesía page, too, if you’re interested. Slainte,
–jsl
I love every single word here. It feels perfect. the flow took me away and then I was right there by the track. This is a wonderful write.
Wow, thanks, Carl. “perfect” just blows me away– this was one of my NaPoMo poem-a-day writes, and I am still not 100% sure of how I feel about it… but it is very reassuring to know you found some resonance with it.
Cheers,
–jsl
Excellent.
Quite a short one for you but it maintains the potency of all of your other poems