because while some truths lend themselves to equations, others are best described in verse

Your Metaphor

 

 

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These days weather
changes overnight.
Smoke filters sunlight;

embers burn all
the more brightly
for the silenced

desire. Yellow
maple sky, old
cracked oak

carpet over grass
that hasn’t even
yet been born.

Dewed frost gilds
homecoming
mornings,

words like
“hunker”
sprouting in

untried accents,
“distrust” burying
its lips in glowing

ash. A hand
can be a hard
thing to hold

in such climes;
fingers all too
easily balled in

anger. Memory
just won’t burn
as quickly as leaf-fall

and faithlessness
doesn’t pass
with the dew.

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38 responses

  1. I think this is one of your best!

    November 8, 2011 at 5:24 am

    • 🙂 considering you’ve seen quite a bit of my work, I take that to mean a great deal. thank you.

      November 9, 2011 at 11:03 am

      • Take this siubhan, frame it, and never write again!!!

        November 10, 2011 at 9:47 am

  2. this deserves a read or three. bravo lady.

    November 8, 2011 at 11:05 am

    • *curtsies nicely* thanks, doll.

      November 9, 2011 at 11:02 am

  3. Nice emotional comparisons….

    November 8, 2011 at 4:36 pm

  4. the held hand and the clenched fist…not a far fall from either….

    so i am going to get to hear this friday night? yes we will be there…and hopefully early as well so if you want to grab a bite that would be awesome. will call you.

    November 8, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    • not sure what i’m reading friday night yet… i never decide till the day of. 😉 it’ll be great to see you again, brian. hanging out beforehand would be great if y’all are around & up for it. poetry tailgating!

      November 9, 2011 at 11:01 am

  5. i cannot even begin to express how much i enjoyed this. the images you placed in my mind are so rich. lovely penning, poet! I am following!

    November 8, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    • Kellie, ‘preciate much the kind thought & the follow. enjoyed your “backyard magic” very much as well!

      November 9, 2011 at 10:59 am

  6. yes…faithlessness
    doesn’t pass
    with the dew…unfortunately…great metaphor in here..

    November 8, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    • thanks, claudia. always great to have your feedback. 🙂

      November 9, 2011 at 11:04 am

  7. Fantastic poem. Those last few stanzas are just amazing. Thanks for sharing.

    November 8, 2011 at 5:02 pm

  8. Beautiful!

    November 8, 2011 at 5:54 pm

  9. This one just rolled off the tongue from beginning to end, brilliant verse.

    November 8, 2011 at 5:59 pm

  10. Oh this is quite stunning. I love the short stanzas, the way they merge… so many amazing lines and the ending resonates so beautifully!
    Some deep music here!

    November 8, 2011 at 6:29 pm

  11. hobgoblin2011

    Very nice job here, lots of great images and well-thought out lines that both work as independent lines but also convey the overall sentiments that carry throughout the piece in the entirety. Enjoyed the piece, thanks:)

    November 8, 2011 at 7:27 pm

  12. belladonna23

    amazing, this should be published in the new york times..

    November 8, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    • !!!! wow. thanks so much!

      November 9, 2011 at 10:57 am

  13. I really, really like this…the description…fall is my favorite season and you underlined it succinctly!

    November 8, 2011 at 7:58 pm

  14. and then the undertones and last lines…so true.

    November 8, 2011 at 8:01 pm

  15. ..smoke filters sunlight – sadly true.. a lot has already been changed these days… not the same world we used to live before.. excellent!

    Good day!

    ~Kelvin

    November 8, 2011 at 8:16 pm

  16. A seasonal activity becomes a metaphor for life. Well written.

    November 8, 2011 at 8:40 pm

  17. Ain’t that the truth!

    smooches,
    Larie

    November 8, 2011 at 10:34 pm

  18. Oh Yes!!!
    “ash. A hand
    can be a hard
    thing to hold”
    I liked the vividness of your images and thoughts….

    Shashi
    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/11/whispers-tears-in-rain.html

    November 8, 2011 at 10:42 pm

  19. The yellow maple sky definitely has my whole attention and admiration! Lovely!

    November 9, 2011 at 7:58 am

  20. Thanks, everyone, for your more than kind comments. Wow. I’m still blushing from all the things you guys have said! 🙂

    peace,
    –jsl

    November 9, 2011 at 10:56 am

  21. Emily

    Beautiful poem. I had to read it a few times, as it just resonated for me. You captured the season and the undercurrent theme wonderfully here.

    November 9, 2011 at 11:52 am

  22. Nice piece! I love the line “a hand is a hard thing to hold’…really enjoyed this.

    November 9, 2011 at 12:39 pm

  23. Particularly liked your uses of fire in this piece. Embers, glowing ash and

    Memory
    just won’t burn
    as quickly as leaf-fall

    A season of change and endings, indeed! Lovely.

    November 9, 2011 at 3:15 pm

  24. beautiful pic… strong words… wonderful comparison… wish I had been there

    November 9, 2011 at 8:36 pm

  25. many truthful words and thoughts, well penned.

    November 9, 2011 at 10:09 pm

  26. The flames as a metaphor for anger…. man I always know when I get to a damn good poem… makes me read it over and over and over …. and I have read it several times trying to find the right words to say to describe how it made me feel. All I can come up with is WOW.

    November 10, 2011 at 10:51 am

  27. manicddaily

    Wow. Such a lovely surprising poem. I loved the yellow maple sky and the hunkering in strange accents. So interesting. K.

    November 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm

  28. This has startling imagery and great economy of language. It speaks with an authentic and original voice.

    November 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm

  29. Such lovely imagery, Siubhan. I can see and smell autumn here.

    November 11, 2011 at 5:28 pm

  30. “and faithlessness doesn’t pass with the dew” Makes me wonder if that mere water really washes away the sins as well

    November 19, 2011 at 11:09 am

  31. This was awesome. Would write something more but you said it already. Bitching verse dudette; captures your style like a knife through skin. Loved it.

    crb.

    November 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm

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