diary, friday june 27

it’s late on a friday afternoon and
i sit barefoot on a couch that isn’t mine
thoughtlessly prying dead scabs from my feet,
red and raw from the dress shoes
i wore to a wedding
which also wasn’t mine,

a mere courtesy of presence
where i arrived late and
stopped to dance only one slow, slow dance,
smiling at the camera all the while.

nearly quitting time on friday, and
i look out a window which belongs to someone else,
but i’ve opened the shades half of the way
and they rest, crooked, on a curtainless sill
deep enough to sit in;
i don’t dare.

someone’s thrown a rock, and the glass is cracked
in one of the center panes; i can just see it through the blinds.

dreaming of home on a friday but
my fingers as they type don’t smell like my own.
it’s as if they knew i was dissembling,
that they should be doing  some other work, following
a destiny which i surely didn’t sign up for.

strangely, the smell is of mice, caged, fed
and raised for breeding.  i wonder
what that means.