even sunshine can be bitter, cold
as we stretch and smile,
bundled in boots and memories, strung
out like Christmas lights in February
swaying in a fragile air.
There is a quiet intensity
to every breath blown;
hunkered in our heartbeats, we
sip only warm things, tasting
the pulse of a new year.
You don’t tell me you love me
and I don’t tell you I know it. Instead
I make plans, steal words, write
poems you’ll never read, pour out the bitter
into the river’s swollen april browns,
swallow down cheap malt liquor,
drown the cheap lines and nights
alone with afternoons under the same rainy
roof, just like we used to, the smell
of your skin still intoxicating, only
you don’t tell me you love me,
and I pretend I don’t notice, put my clothes
back on, write the poems. And
do you know? I’ve had worse hangovers.
in the kitchen, the hyacinth
finally begins to open, its fragrance
still subtle & not enough
to cover the bitter almond
april stain. we are eight days in,
now, & you go better without
me every hour. I don’t know
if the herons will come back;
I should have remembered how it felt
to sleep beside you unwanted.
this is the second poem this morning;
it goes well with burnt espresso.
every hour there is less of me
to love, but at least it is my choosing.